Incontrovertible evidence I am knocked up:
Not the first pee test. Not the second pee test. Not the first doctor’s visit. Not the second doctor’s visit. Not the sore boobs. Not the hyperactive bladder. Not the overwhelming exhaustion that had me passed out upright on the couch ten minutes after finishing a Jimmy John’s sandwich.
It’s the fact that I no longer want to drink Diet Coke. And I no longer want to chew Trident Tropical Twist gum.
It’s like I don’t even know who I am.
